Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I've learned more about life this semester than perhaps any other. In some ways, it has been my most challenging semester. I have had a mix of 'easy' and extremely difficult classes. And in that mix came a break up with someone who proposed to me, and a new friendship with someone unexpected. Life has taken me to a place where I had NEVER seen myself. I have never felt more opposition, and I can't help but attribute it to the fact that I think I am close to some really amazing things. I will be performing in Singin in the Rain this summer, which is one of my all time favorite musicals. It has that potent ingredient of nostalgia for me. I love the time period of the story, I love the dancing, I love the music...I love the rain. Everything about it. I love how I watched it over and over with my dad growing up.

I am also working on my very first demo cd this summer. I have written some songs that are cut straight from my soul, they are very real and raw for me, and I am so excited about producing something so honest.

I have a book coming out this September (crossing fingers I can revise my little heart away in time). A book. A BOOK!!! I am so very excited about this. It was always a dream of mine to publish something BEFORE I was done with college.

Thanks to my new friend, who happens to be a boy, I have learned SO very much about relationships, communication, and that there are people out there, specifically men, like me. I have discovered that wanting a man who actually supports my dreams and in fact believes in me is something I can have. I can have that. I was used to relationships where 'convention' was the only path and my dreams came second. I was used to relationships where I didn't even feel connected, and I foolishly attributed that disconnection to the fact that we were just men and women and would forever be DIFFERENT.

Now I know there are men out there made of the same cloth, stitched with the same thread, and constructed loosely like myself. And knowing that feeds me with hope.

I've learned this semester that its okay to dream. Its okay to hope. Its okay to feel. Hurt. Happiness. Pleasure. Its okay to let someone in. Its okay to let someone go. Its okay if I don't do everything the way "everyone else does it." I'm doing it the way I've always wanted.

I've learned Me this semester. A strange, slippery, random subject that is still a blank field and I still have so much to learn, but at least I took that first course.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Skimming the Surface

There are two ways to go through life. You can skim or you can swim. I think I used to be a skimmer...floating over ideas and situations, barely touching them so that they could NOT touch me, but recently I have been a swimmer. Diving deep. Swimming to places that are foreign and cool and bumpy to touch, but full of life and adventure. I know that if I want less scrapes and scars I should skim, drift above it all and just take in the view. But I'm not afraid of the scars anymore. I'm not afraid to sink to the bottom just so I can experience that rush when I shoot back to the top. I'm not afraid to swim. I want to touch and taste things that scare me. I want to FEEL life instead of just look at it. I am feeling braver day by day, and I swim deeper with every breath I take.

Finishing this semester is going to be a deep swim. Tough and full of late nights and skull cracking headaches- but I'll get there. Watch me :-)