I want to be brave. I want to be courageous and fearless and powerful. I want to be a force to be reckoned with-- and I want to have that inner sort of power people have when they REALLY know who they are, when they really understand their potential. I don't want to be delicate. I don't want to be soft. I don't want to be passive, sweet, fragile or emotional. So why does society want these things from me? Am I a crazy *Gasp* Feminist for wanting what I want? I think I'm just a human being. I think I'm just a daughter of God who understands my potential and worth. I have been thinking much about the labels society wants to slap us with, and can we really blame society for wanting to make sense of someone? And what easier way than to pull from a pile of dirty laundry a couple of cheap words and call it good?
I am not looking to find someone to blame. I am looking to break through.
You hear that?
I want out.
I want out of the labels. I want out of the "Supposed To's".
I want out of feeling consistently conflicted about my true inner desires and who everyone WANTS me to be.
I might not be able to change the world, but I can change MY world. And my world consists of every thought I have, of every action I do, of every life I touch. I create my world. So if I can change my world, I will in fact change THE world. The only world that matters.
So delving into this headfirst I ask...why is it that men often SEEK the 'weaker' kind of woman? And why do women feel they must, for some unseen reason, comply? Do women feel so desperate for a man that they think the only way to get one is to make the man feel "like a man" and therefor stronger and in control of the entire relationship?
Not all men are like this. But I do see this plaguing our society. And as I have looked back on my dating experiences I have realized that any time I started to show a 'masculine' trait, the man was somehow turned off (except for ONE Man :)...lucky me). But WHY is this? Men and women are equally powerful, have an equal amount to offer, and yet we hear phrases like "battle of the sexes" traded back and forth on a frequent basis. Does it all breed from massive amounts of insecurity from BOTH sexes?
I know, I know, I ask alotta questions :)
Lets all huddle together and be honest a moment.
I consider myself feminine. I also consider myself powerful. I consider myself assertive (more and more as the years have gone on) I have realized anything "nice" about me has been 85% for show and to 'fit in.' I have a confession my friends. I am not that nice. I am not that sweet. I am not that PINK.
I can be downright mean if the occasion calls for it. And I also have no problem calling men on their desire to be babied. I don't WANT to be babied. And I do not want a man who wants to be babied.
I know, some people have daddy issues. Some people have mommy issues. Others have brother and sister issues (not touching that one) BUT I don't care about the issues. I want a fully functional, adult, respect driven, fearless, plucky kind of relationship that is interdependent and can weather any storm.
I want intelligent banter. I want best friends. I want honesty. I want connection. And I want someone who has the desire to 'date' me the rest of my life. I really want it all...is that too much to ask? ;)
But why SHOULD this be a stretch? What does the world around ALL of us say to women AND men who want the 'other' kind of relationship?
All I can say about society and HER expectations....BORING.
This post (sort of a rant) is not over. More to come...